You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
