she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
