how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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