Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
