homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
