Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
