You're completely useless in the revolution.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
