God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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