I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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