This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
