Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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