Me. At least after what I've been through.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
