Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
