how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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