I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize