Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
