upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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