I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
