we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
