I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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