so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
