he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
