She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
