Got a toothbrush?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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