Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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