i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
