I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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