idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
