Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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