she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
