his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
