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I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
