babies were throwing up all over the place
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize