it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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