Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
