you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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