I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
