God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
