He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
