I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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