hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
