He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
