I heard we made out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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