You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
