yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
