He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We need to get me chipped asap
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
