The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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