I think I won the penis lottery.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize