So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
