Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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