My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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