ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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