The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
