I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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