yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
