Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
operation have a gay friend backfired
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
