Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
