i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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