Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
