Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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