he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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