Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
