you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
where are my eyebrows?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize