I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
