I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
