i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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