A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
