the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
