my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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