he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
