if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
